5 Things You Should Skip Saying To An Expecting Mom

• "Wow, you look..."

  Whether they mean it or not, a bunch of the things people say about pregnant ladies seem to circle back to weight. Lots of women already feel a bit self-conscious about their appearance during pregnancy, so hearing constant reminders about how much they’ve changed isn’t exactly uplifting. Any comment, subtle or direct, that hints at weight gain can easily knock a woman’s confidence or even make her fret that something’s not right. Think classics like, “You’ve gotten so big/ small,” “Are you sure it’s not twins?” or “You look tired!” The only thing we want to hear is how great we look! The best things (and safest!) you can say to a pregnant woman are “You look beautiful,” and “Congratulations.”

  

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• "Were you trying for a baby?"

  The only one allowed to pop the question “Was this pregnancy planned?” is the woman’s provider. It’s a bit much if you ask that. By now, I’d hope I’ve mastered the whole birth control thing. Plus, I’m not keen on sharing whether this was all part of a master plan or a spontaneous turn of events. When I was hit with this question, I froze up for a second. Do I answer truthfully or do I make up some weird story? Either way, it made me feel SO incredibly uncomfortable. And to make it worse, this question did not come from a family member or a friend. Instead, maybe resist the temptation and stick to safer bets like “Congrats!” or “How thrilling!”

  

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• "Is it a boy or a girl?"

  Oh, the classic question that’s been quite the energy drain lately “Is it a boy or a girl?” Sometimes I just want to reply, “I’m really just hoping for a baby!” I get it that it’s the go-to question. And hey, I’m not saying you should never ask it. But some families are purposely keeping it a mystery, and after explaining it for the umpteenth time, it can get a bit old. Plus, for families dealing with more serious issues, like health concerns for the baby, the gender question isn’t exactly a top priority. A more on-point question might be, “Are you guys finding out the gender?” It shows you’re tuned in to the situation and gives mom-to-be the chance to share or simply say, “Nope!”

  

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• Comparing Pregnancies

  “When I was pregnant…” Hold up right there. It’s like I’m the sole astronaut on a mission to Pregnancy Planet, discovering uncharted terrain. Pass on the stories of your “little” weight gain or epic hemorrhoids. And don’t you dare drop the “I hope your birth goes better than mine” bomb, followed by a traumatic labor story. Please, spare the pregnant woman (especially a first-timer) the horror show. While we’re at it, let’s add “Oh, just wait.” Sure, keep attempting to warn pregnant women of the “impending doom” of raising a child.

  Here’s the deal, if she asks, spill the beans. If not, zip it. It’s that easy. Hold back on those unsolicited pregnancy tales. Bad stories might stir up worries she didn’t even know were possible. And trust me, she’s probably got enough on her plate already! Even the good stuff should stay on mute unless she asks. If she’s gearing up for a tricky delivery, hearing about your picture-perfect birth might be more pain than gain.

  

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• Unsolicited Advice

  “You really shouldn’t eat/drink/wear/do that when you’re pregnant” or any unsolicited advice for that matter. Unless she asks, it is never a good idea to offer a pregnant woman parenting advice. You may not know the circumstances of that family and pregnancy. I’m working with a wonderful medical staff who I’m sure will let me know what I need and need not to do. This is right up there with “Sleep now because you will never sleep again.” Okay, I’ll keep that in mind when the baby is sleeping in their stroller while we’re perusing the grocery store. I’m sure to stop dead in my tracks and take a little “nappy nap.” Lastly, I can’t forget “Enjoy your life while you still can.” I’m sorry I had no idea that life suddenly stops “lifing” once the baby is here. In fact, I’ve been hearing this plenty now, before the baby’s arrival. Believe it or not, concerts and festivals are not only ADA-friendly but also pregnant folk-friendly. Obviously, know your limits and ask your doctor if you have any concerns but for the most part, fetus and I have already had many firsts together.

  

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