Krispy Kreme Legend: Free Donuts for Report Card A’s

I was scrolling through TikTok at work like any responsible adult, when I stumbled upon the best news I’ve heard all year—Krispy Kreme gives out free donuts for every A on a report card.

Now, I’m no student, but my 13-year-old daughter? Straight A’s. Every report card. Every year. Like some kind of academic superhero. I knew what had to be done. As soon as I got home I told her to get in the car, because  we’re going to celebrate her intelligence. And by celebrate, I mean eat free donuts.”

She shrugged and got in the car because she knew there was no stopping me. And let me tell you, as I drove down US-41, with Krispy Kreme in sight, visions of those golden, glazed circles of perfection danced in my head.

Now, I’m not exactly supposed to eat donuts—doctor’s orders, something about “too much sugar” and “taking care of your health.” But you know what? Free donuts don’t count. Free donuts are a reward, a gift, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (or at least a once-in-a-semester one). Plus, back when I was in school, I wasn’t exactly a Straight-A student myself, so no one was throwing free donuts at me back then. This was my time now.

We pull into the parking lot, I’m already tasting that first bite, pure, warm, sugary happiness.

Then my daughter drops the bomb:

“Daddy, I don’t exactly carry a copy of my report card on me.”

My heart sank. My soul left my body. My dreams of free donuts crumbled like day-old cake.

I looked at her. “You don’t carry a copy of your grades with you at all times?”

She looked at me. “Do you carry a copy of your show's ratings in your back pocket?”

Touché.

I stared at the Krispy Kreme sign, trying to process my failure. But let’s be real... I wasn’t leaving without donuts.

So yeah, we paid for them. And you know what? When you’re a grown man trying to pretend you’re right but your 13-year-old is actually right, the only thing that truly makes you feel better is a box of warm Krispy Kreme donuts.