Florida Sheriff Begs Criminals: Hold Off on Crime, It’s Hotter Than Hell
Summer has finally arrived and it’s hotter than a freshly microwaved Hot Pocket here in Florida! The weather has gotten so freaking crazy that even Florida Sheriff Vent Crawford had to step in and make a plea to the criminals to not commit any crimes due to the heat. It’s like the bad guys WERE all fired up and ready to go… But then, the sheriff was like, “Hold your horses, fellas! It’s hotter than a jalapeño’s fever dream out here!”
According to the Miami Herald, the Hardee County Sheriff’s Office took to Facebook to politely ask the lawbreakers to reconsider their plans. They were like, “Listen up, folks. We know you’re passionate about your criminal activities, but have you considered staying home and enjoying the luxury of air conditioning? I heard there’s some great stuff on Netflix, or you could reconnect with your long-lost buddies on FaceTime. Seriously, let’s postpone this whole crime spree until it’s a bit cooler, shall we?”
And honestly, I get it. Southwest Florida is apparently trapped in a hellish doughnut hole of heat. They’re expecting heat indexes of 110 to 115 degrees. Great. I’m looking forward to my face melting all thanks to this “heat dome” situation. That’s not just hot, that’s Satan’s sauna hot. What I am looking forward to is someone admitting to being a criminal and is taking the sheriff’s advice seriously. Could happen right?
Anyway, if you’re planning any illegal activities in Hardee County, just remember: If there is anyone who believes in staying cool this summer… Its the Hardee County Sheriff’s Office. They believe that if you stay out of trouble, and give everyone a break from crime until winter rolls around then we’ll all have a much cooler summer.
The Top Hard Seltzers For Summer 2023
Demand is increasing for top hard seltzers. We’re already hitting near record temperatures in Southwest Florida. Fort Myers, Cape Coral, Naples – it’s hot! Even looking at the bottom of my computer screen:
There ‘s a little icon that says “hot weather.”
So cooling off with a hard seltzer is a pretty solid choice. I’ve got some of the Mike’s in my fridge. Diana prefers the Corona ones. So with data provided by YouGov, we’re able to list the 20 most popular hard seltzers in the county.
Before we get to the rankings, there is a new seltzer that has caught my eye. They just dropped it this spring so it didn’t make the rankings, but High Noon now has a Tequila Seltzer. They make it with real tequila and fruit juice and it comes in lime, grapefruit, passionfruit, and strawberry. I have to say, as a fan of tequila, and that song by Joe Nichols, I am interested. Always looking for new flavors to try. I’m guessing you do to, that’s why you’re here. To see how they rank.
If you want to see how seltzers track, here’s the rankings from the end of last year. I expected that things wouldn’t change much, but they have. This data was collected at the end of Q1 of 2023 so this should hold true going into summer. This is not a list of the biggest selling, it’s a ranking of popularity. Here’s the faq on that if you’re interested. Above all, if you’re looking for a new flavor or brand to try, here’s the Top 20. And coming in at number 20 is one that I’ll admit – is new to me.
