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Florida Man And His Accomplice Steal $1,400 In Merchandise From Dollar General By Stuffing Items In Their Shorts

Author Joe Winner

I have the same question you do. How the hell can you fit $1,400 worth of stuff from Dollar General in your shorts? Even with inflation, most of the items in that store are $2 at best. But it happened in Cape Coral. According to the Cape Coral Police Department  “These two subjects stole approximately $1,400 worth of merchandise from Dollar General (1612 Skyline Blvd.) on February 1st, 2023, at approximately 1:00 pm. ”

There’s also a big question that needs answered, and that’s “How does the clerk not notice this dude’s lumps?”

May be an image of 2 people

(Cape Coral Police Department)

I’m thinking he could had an even bigger haul if he’d have worn full length sweat pants. But, it’s 80 degrees today and wearing long pants might have been suspicious. This way was probably best. Here’s the guy that was with him.

May be an image of 1 person and footwear

(Cape Coral Police Department)

Where’s his haul? Was he just there running distraction? Maybe he took smaller items?  I really hope the Cape Coral Police find these guys. I really don’t care if they get arrested, I just want some closure. $1,400 worth of merchandise shoved into those grey sweat pants. How much stuff did you take and what are you going to do with it? What was yellow shirt doing? This Florida Man story has left me with so many questions. And it brings back memories of this old Animal House scene.

More from Florida:

Florida Is One Of The Worst Places To Be In A Zombie Apocalypse

If you’re one of the many people that believe a zombie apocalypse is inevitable, you need to be prepared. And where you live is part of that preparedness. Best case, somewhere less populated where you could live off the land, and with a weapon stockpile. If you watched ‘Last Of Us’ that’s how Bill and Frank were able to survive. So, a little luck and you’d be likely to make it through the apocalypse, at least until they discover a cure. Unfortunately, Florida is not one of the better options. You’d have much better chances in Wyoming or Alaska. Here’s why.

For this study, we turn to data from Insuranks. One of the data points taken into account includes where a zombie outbreak is likely to occur. If you’re a Resident Evil fan, you know to steer clear of areas that have a lot of pharmaceutical companies. Florida has a lot. Population is also a big factor. More people = more zombies = more danger. Yep, there’s a lot of people in Florida. And lastly, a way to fight off zombies. There’s where Florida has an advantage. Do we ever have weapons. But are they the right kind of weapons? There’s data on that, too.

So where’s the best state to be during a zombie apocalypse? Find you an area that looks like “Yellowstone”.

  • Here's how all 50 states rank

    zombie apocalypse

     

  • Stay away from populated areas

    California is last on the list. Especially around heavily populated cities like Los Angeles or San Francisco. Desperate people are just as dangerous as zombies. Keep your core group small. 

  • How to stay alive

    zombie apocalypse

  • Are you prepared?

    There’s an old adage in prepping. If you don’t have guns, you’re prepping for someone who does. Even if you survive not being turned into a zombie, you need to survive the other people, too. A lot of the people surveyed think that Florida is most likely to start the outbreak anyway, so it’s possible that none of that matters.

  • Could you kill a zombie?

    zombie apocalypse

  • Most think they could do it

    A lot of people say they’d have no problem killing a (former) loved one if they turned. Many also believed that they’d probably be the first to die.

  • Which zombie movie is the most accurate?

    zombie apocalypse

  • All scary, some more so

    It looks like The Walking Dead is a more likely scenario rather than the Clickers of Last of Us. Hopefully they’re slow like Dawn of The Dead and not the speedy zombies Brad Pitt fought in World War Z. Either way, surviving the zombie apocalypse is going to be rough. Physically and mentally. Just remember what Zombieland taught us.

    Rule #32: Enjoy the Little Things

  • Methodology

    To rank the states, we analyzed 1289 Google search terms relating to zombie apocalypses from January 2019 through December 2022. We looked at the average number of monthly searches and compared it to each state’s population, per 100,000 residents.

    In January 2023 we surveyed 1,047 Americans to get their feedback on zombies and preparing for a zombie apocalypse. Respondents were 48% female, 49% male, and 3% non-binary/non-conforming, with an age range of 18 to 79 and an average age of 40.

 

 

Joe Winner spends his days combing through memes and off beat stories to bring you the side of Florida not always seen.

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