Florida Woman Hit in the Face by Husband’s Sausage
A 61-year-old Florida man, Ray Allen, of St. Petersburg, had himself quite the sausage party. The kind of party that landed him in the porky… I mean the pokey. So what was the fuss about? Allen allegedly took it up a notch by engaging in a heated argument that culminated in the throwing of a sausage at his 64-year-old wife’s face.
According to the Smoking Gun, the sausage assault occurred amid a “verbal altercation.” It seems sausages are the new weapons of choice in domestic disputes. Alcohol was reportedly also in the mix, adding an extra kick to this spicy sausage saga.
Unfortunately, we don’t know specify the type of sausage involved in the dispute. Was it a bratwurst or a breakfast link? The world may never know.
Despite the drama, the sausage in question managed to escape the clutches of law enforcement and was not seized as evidence. Perhaps it went into hiding, fearing a future as exhibit A in a courtroom. Or maybe it was too delicius to go to waste.
Sausage Party Foul:
Emergency Medical Services were called to the scene to address the fallout. The victim’s right eye received a thorough saline rinse solution to ward off any potential infections from the uncooked meat. It seems even sausages can pose health risks when thrown with enough force.
Ray Allen, now free from custody, has pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor domestic battery charge. Hopefully, there aren’t any other foods that Allen plans to throw in the future. It started with a sausage, but where does it end?
Take the corn dog. Sure, it’s harmless in hand, but transform it into an aerial weapon, and its pointed edges could turn it into a javelin! How about Shish kabobs? Those skewers are like medieval weaponry!
We’re talking a sharpness that sausages could only dream of. Eat safe out there!